Oh Look, A Brightside
by NeoTroi79
Summary: a rather amusing ficlet...in a weird twisted kind of way. OCE. Olivia's POV. Read me. You know you want to.


Heh, I had a lot of fun with this one. It's a lyrics-wrapped-in oneshot and the song is Mr. Brightside. Enjoy, and Review!

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I woke up cursing. Cursing my drunken state last night. Maybe it's the hangover. It sucks. It hurts. I look around. Generic burgundy Venetians block the near angelic sunlight that strains to shed knowledge onto this scene. When did I get so poetic so early in the morning? Let me rephrase. Thank god the blinds are shut. I rub my eyes and try to clear sleep from my throat. Where am I?

Oh fuck.

I jump from the bed. No!

Why?

Fuck!

I was doing so well. I was on the celibate bandwagon. Why? Why me?

This is a dream, right? A dream. This didn't happen. Fuck. I know it did. Why couldn't it all be a dream?

Casey stirred. She let out a small moan and ran a hand through her red locks, smoothing the sex hair that she had. I had a flashback of myself running my own fingers through her flaming tresses. _I_ gave her that sex hair. She was naked and made no attempt to cover herself.

I'm naked too. _Oh fuck me._

I fight down my embarrassment, my anger, as I look for my clothes. Fuck everything. Fuck alcohol and fuck sexual tension. That's what got me into this. I feel so dirty. I feel like I've just opened my eyes for the first time as my body is flushed with angry adrenaline. My innocence gone. My barriers fallen. I was doing fine. No, I was doing great. What the hell happened?

Casey opened her eyes and fixed me with a soft glare and a small smile. "Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving."

"Aw, come on, Liv. Come back to bed."

I glared at her. "I can't believe we did that."

Casey smiled wide. "Oh, don't be such a prude. You wanted it all too."

"I…" But I can think of nothing to say. It all started with a kiss. A drunken kiss in a sleazy bar. When _did_ I become such a prude anyway?

"I'll call you a cab then." She moved over to the nightstand. A large hand reached out and curled around her waist. She looked down at the sleeping form lovingly.

At this point, I really needed to be sick.

"I'm not going anywhere, Elliot." She said. She ran a hand through his receding hair and he loosened his grip with a sigh.

Now I really was going to be sick.

I sat heavily on the couch across from the bed. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I keep repeating to myself. I didn't just sleep with my partner and the ADA. I didn't, I didn't. Oh, but I did.

Elliot shook off sleep and sat up. He reached to the side of the bed for his pants. He pulled out a cigarette and lighter. He lit up and took a long drag. When did Elliot start to smoke? Probably the same time I started to sleep with him.

I couldn't take it. I moved into the bathroom. He didn't say anything to stop me. Casey's gentle, yet commanding voice drifted in with me. Another flashback put her under me, her gentle, yet commanding voice in my ear, driving me crazy. I never thought I'd ever wish to be sick until now.

I hung my head over the sink. How long could I stay in here? Until I die? That would be nice. I glance out. I should have shut the door. I stand transfixed.

Casey hung up the phone and slid back beside the figure of my still married partner. My god I slept with a married man. She kissed his cheek, making him smile. He handed her the cigarette. She took an elegant drag before handing it back to him.

He put it out on the stained wood of the nightstand and grinned at her. Can't I puke and get it over with?

She moved to straddle his sitting form. His hands slid to her hips.

I jerked up. I had almost fallen asleep standing. What the hell had happened?

Her hand slid down his chest, slowly. I flash back to the passion that I felt last night. The way the room was a thousand degrees and I couldn't hold myself back. The more I thought. The more my muscles tensed. I need to leave. I need to get out of here.

I bolted. Grabbing my coat off the floor I leave. I wonder if they noticed? They were chest deep in each other. I was there last night. I cough. Anything to shake me up. To make me forget…just a little.

The sunlight damned near blinded me as I walked out the door. Feeling more in control as my feet listened to me, I find the cab that Casey called for me.

Throwing myself in the backseat I mumble my address to the cabbie. I look back briefly, a pang in my chest. I want to be back in there. I curse myself for even thinking it. I want to be in there with them. Jealously. I'm jealous of his lust for her, her lust for him. What if it was just the two of us? What if I had a chance alone?

I swallow hard. I feel like I'm moving through molasses, swimming through dark waters to some unknown place. Hangovers do that to people. I'm trying to ignore the sweet lullaby of my headache. I at least have to make it home. Just make it home, Olivia.

I cough again. I'm choking on the consequences of my actions. I'll never be able to walk into the precinct again, never mind ever facing my partner again. I briefly wondered what a new partner would be like. I haven't had a new partner in years.

I suppose this is the price I pay for letting go. I tried for so hard to stay strong. I tried for so long to stay on the straight and narrow. But I was challenged at every turn, as if destiny was determined to fuck me over. And fuck me over, it did.

I take in a deep breathe. Suddenly my eyes seemed to find a moment of focus. As the harshness of the morning sun finally hid behind the skyscrapers, I realize. Today is a beautiful day. I chuckle despite myself. Maybe I'm still a little drunk. Hey, look, a bright side.

I stop the cabbie, handed him a ten and burst out of the cab, my freedom apparent. I'm suddenly doing just fine. I start running. I run three blocks. Central Park. I go through the gates, perhaps I can really lose myself. I think perhaps I've gone crazy. It is perfectly possible.

I wanted it. Oh, that was obvious when I didn't leave. In fact, I might have even led the fiasco, but to be honest, I can't remember.

It started with a kiss. A sloppy kiss. I kissed Elliot. How drunk was I? He kissed me back. Casey pouted, mostly because she was more smashed than either of us, but also because she felt left out.

Things would have defiantly turned out different if Munch and Fin had stayed for just five more minutes. That's all it took for us to lose control.

I slow to a jog. I'm breathing heavily. I flash back. I don't want to go back. She's calling me a cab. She's taking a drag of his cigarette. Now they're kissing. She's straddling his waist. It makes me sick to my stomach all over again. I shake it out. It's all in my head now. I have control to forget it.

Oh, no. She's touching him again. Please memory, let me go.

I slow to a walk. I try to focus on something else. Something normal. Something not as entirely wrong as sleeping with two of my best friends.

I see a young couple on a bench. They are in love. A fool could see that. They kiss. I turn away. I can't look. I might just die. Why do I never feel like I'm in control of my life? I'm just pushed from side to side, wading through life like a child in the shallows, choking on the water as I stumble and fall with no one to pick me up.

I roll my eyes at my own lame alibi. I look back. The boy kneels in front of the girl. Fucking destiny. Fucking day.

She jumps happily into his arms. Her eyes are sparkling like that diamond ring. Hey, look, another bright side.

I start to run again. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm going.

You never thought you could be loved, I tell myself. It just isn't in the cards for you, Olivia. But I supposed I'll never know, considering I keep running.

I never knew was it was to be like to be loved like last night. By God, the sick and twisted passion, it overwhelmed me and possessed me. I let it take control of me. I wanted it to control me. I'll never admit that out loud, by the way. It was wrong. It was disgusting and dirty-handed from any sane point of view.

I supposed I'll deal with it on Monday. Pretend like it never happened. I've done it before. A long time ago, but I've defiantly done it. I told him it was a one night thing, to drop it and leave me alone. Fuck, look how that turned out. He had to leave the precinct. Maybe I should start seriously thinking about another partner. God knows it will never be the same.

Blame it on the alcohol and pledge to never drink again. I suppose I could do that. I'm not sure what help it will be, but it certainly couldn't hurt. Actually, fuck that pledge, I think a strong drink is all I could handle right now.

I'll never admit that felt something else that night. Never.

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You know you liked it. I know you liked it. You know that I know you liked it and I know that you know you liked it. So just tell me HOW MUCH you liked it. ::grins:: 


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